Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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