I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
