I seem to have left my pride at pride
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
