I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
