I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The power of my boobs compel you
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
