I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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