if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
