His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
