i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
