Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
