no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
