elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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