Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
