we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
