the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
