you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
