Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize