Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
