only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
