your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You are the jesus of drinking
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
