I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
