The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
