Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
