okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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