So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
