I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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