I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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