Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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