You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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