I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
