VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
