Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
