i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
