My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
