not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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