So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
