The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
