hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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