two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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