Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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