I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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