it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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