Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
