Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
