is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He felt like a one man threesome
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
