I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
