i think i have two assholes
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
