clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
