Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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