he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize