mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
