Can i not drive my cunt home
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize