Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
