Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
