i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
