i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
