oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
