Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
