Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
