FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
