This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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