She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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