'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Shame is for Republicans.
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