It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
