I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
