as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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