You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
