im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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