Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
