you didnt know i had herpes?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I deserve this hangover.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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