what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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