yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
