i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize