is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
