Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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