it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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