Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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