i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
