but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
