it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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