no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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