If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize