I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
