so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
