she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize