Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
