I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
