I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
