You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
