Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
