i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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