You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
