Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
