We're facebook friends in real life
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
