apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
