Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
