Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
